Pundamonium!

So today, in addition to getting an amazing new tattoo, I got up on stage at a bar (not a small bar, either, a concert venue, High Noon Saloon, in Madison) and competed in a pun competition. Those of you who know me should understand what a huge deal this is for me (not the pun part, I am not ashamed of my love of puns, instilled in me since birth by my excellent father, but the getting up on stage part). Not only did I tell awful puns into a microphone in front of a large crowd of people, I came in second. I was the only person who hadn't competed there before. I was the only woman. The other competitors were fun and funny and most of them came up to me to welcome me to the group, congratulate me, and ask me to come back next month. It was awesome.

The pun competition is as follows: Everyone gets a prompt when they sign up and they get from the moment they get it until their name is called (about an hour, usually) to come up with puns on that theme and then they perform their puns for two minutes, after which they are judged by five members of the audience. Everyone goes up again, gets a prompt and gets thirty seconds on stage to come up with puns on that prompt, then perform for two minutes. The top four people from those two rounds compete head-to-head in two groups of two, punning on the spot on back and forth on the same prompt for two minutes. One person from each group of two moves on and competes against each other in the same manner, and then one person wins.

I got an awesome prompt in the first round and got the highest score, completely choked in the second round, then totally rocked the third round and held my own pretty decently in the fourth (but the other guy was just really good). Since I had time and wrote down my puns for the first round I can share them here pretty fully, I'll add in the best puns I can remember from my later rounds but as they were on the spot and I was high on adrenaline, I don't remember them nearly as well. Here goes:

Round 1
Prompt: Orchestra

I dated a guy who played in an orchestra once. It's overture now, though. He was just way too cellist. Right after him I dated another guy from the same orchestra and the first guy got so mad! He said it was too bassoon (also works as tuba soon).
I've always loved orchestral music, though. When I was a kid I got in treble for sneaking in to concerts. I wasn't allowed in because they were rated R for too much violins.
I had a friend who was the leader of an orchestra who got hit by lightning. It was just a matter of time, though, because he was a great conductor.
There's a lot of back-and-forth in politics right now about whether we need more orchestral music in the schools. Some people say it's frivolous but I disagree. I think it's instrumental.
I wanted to make a sex joke about guys who play big string instruments but I don't want to stoop to bass humor. That stuff is better left to the crass section.
Speaking of the brass section: why are people who play brass instruments annoying to play Euchre with? They always trumpet.
I used to get brunch at this great restaurant. It was awesome unless you had a hangover, because they always played really loud drums. But what do you expect when you get breakfast at tympany's?
I don't know if my two minutes are up but I think that was the last orchestraw, which is good, cause I'm oboe it.

Round 2
Prompt: Baking

Note: I choked pretty hard in this round. Thirty seconds is not as long as it sounds. I really only got in two good jokes that got everyone. For this part keep in mind that "____er? I 'ardly know 'er!" jokes had been flying from the host and several other competitors and also that I was the only female competitor.

Sugar? I 'ardly know 'er!
Muffin? I 'ardly know 'im!
See, it goes both ways. Like me.

And then, after a long pause of nothing:
Man, I really thought this was going to be a piece of cake.

Round 3
Prompt: The Bathroom

*The other competitor goes first*
I'm glad you went first, cause I really needed to go number two.

I know I had some other pretty good ones in this round but I honestly don't remember what any of them were, and some of them worked a lot better with what the other competitor had just said, anyway.

Round 4
Prompt: Condiments

Note: All our crane babies this year were named after condiments so I felt especially prepared but I got a little stuck in trying to come up with puns for fairly obscure ones, just because they were names of cranes. I know I had some more good ones but this is the only one I can remember:

I used to go out with this guy who dated guys and girls. He wasabi.

So yeah, I am incredibly proud of myself for this and I wanted to record it somewhere. This will definitely not be my last Pundimonium, and I might post more transcripts here in the future, especially as I become more skilled at punning.