This morning I had a very hard time getting out of bed. The news of the last few days: the attacks in Paris, in Beirut, those in Kenya several months ago that I hadn't even heard about until they were brought up in comparison to Paris, the worry for the Syrian refugees who fled to Europe to escape ISIS only to face more bombs and guns and increased xenophobia on top of it, another unarmed black man killed by police in my own city of Minneapolis, the fact that before all this #paris was going to be a call to arms for the climate fight, to hold our leaders meeting there accountable for finally making and sticking to big commitments in the face of climate change...added to my own anxiety/self-pity/shame spirals and the atrocious darkness of November which had already been pretty effectively keeping me down.
It is, of course, a privileged position to be able to respond to all of this by disengaging, by going numb. I am incredibly lucky to be able to lay in bed with a blanket over my head and feel safe. It is easy, in this position, to allow these stories to feel far away, to feel powerless and exhausted and like nothing I could do would possibly make a difference so why should I do anything at all? I can hear King Theoden at Helm's Deep in my head, "So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?"
I heard a woman on NPR this morning talking, not about terrorism at all but about National Parks, but she paraphrased Karen Armstrong saying, "Compassion is not an emotion, it's an act. But if it were aligned with an emotion it would be most closely tied to discomfort...It is so important for all of us at this moment in time to cultivate our discomfort because if we allow ourselves to feel that pain, that unrest, that discomfort, then we will act on it and that becomes an act of compassion. But if we continue to avert our gaze...then the world continues to suffer and we are not engaged in that suffering."
So Step One is don't shy away. I mean, take care of yourself first, that's important, but when things hurt they hurt for a reason. Don't numb the pain with escapism, even though it is easier and abundantly available. Living to avoid pain drains your life of meaning.
Step Two is act. This one is hard for me. What can I do? It's easy to make a gesture that is largely symbolic - like posting something heartfelt on the internet - and then move on and feel it was good enough, especially considering the vastness of the world's problems and how small and helpless it feels to be a human. It is a start, but that's not really acting, it's just talking. Which can be important, but it's not enough. What would be enough? If I can't affect change all by myself then it doesn't matter what I do, might as well just try to make myself happy while I can and ignore all the rest, right? In the scope of the world does it even matter what I do? This is a trap I easily fall into.
There is a quote that addresses this perfectly. At first I thought I made it up, then I thought I'd heard it from a friend or maybe from a book...I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that it is from Angel, a fantasy show that I don't even particularly like. Be that as it may, it is a truly excellent quote: "If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do."
Compassion is an action, love is a verb.
You can't possibly do everything but everyone can do something. Make art, make love, make food. Reach out to someone. Donate time, money, or blood. Listen deeply to someone, especially if they are telling you what they need. Try to give it to them if you can. Look for the helpers. Join the helpers. I guarantee that there is someone somewhere working towards a cause that you care about and they would love an extra pair of hands. I guarantee that there are things that you want to do and that you are good at that will make the world a better place. Find them. Pay attention. Stay engaged, have civil conversations with people you disagree with and listen with empathy, compassion, and openness. Learn things. Share things. Love even when it's hard, even when it's not returned. And when something tragic happens you do not have to shift your focus, although it can feel completely overwhelming, like there are just too many problems to solve and you are just one person...but you don't have to do everything. Just do what you are doing harder.
It's dangerous to write this all down because the pledge to act can feel as satisfying as actually acting and it can stop you from actually doing the thing. I don't want to do that. I don't want to post some fancy quotes, make an appointment to donate blood, throw a few dollars to a charity and move on. I want to push myself to live better. Understanding and awareness are good first steps that I feel like I've begun to master (you are never done) but now it's time to walk the walk. A lot of what's been holding me back is the fear of doing something wrong or of being an inconvenience (I am from Minnesota, after all). That's stupid. The knowledge that my fears are stupid has never actually stopped me from having them before, but it's too important now for me not to try to push through them. So help me out, would you? Do what you can. Start small and grow. Push me (and those around you) to do what they can. If you want help with something, let me know. I want to help. And whenever you are feeling defeated and small, listen to this absolutely beautiful poem by Andrea Gibson.
"And this is for that moon
On the nights she seems hung by a noose
For the people who cut her loose
And the people still waiting for the rope to burn
About to learn that they have scissors in their hands"
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