The stages of grief are bullshit. Like, I have definitely felt most of them: bargaining, wishing I could somehow trade my walking away from a car accident two years ago for Jason walking away from this one; depression, for sure; denial, comes and goes; but they're interspersed with lots of other feelings and they appear and disappear in a random order.
For a few days now I've been mostly solidly stuck in Anger. I am angry at the people who offer comfort of the "You'll see him again" or "Your dog is comforting your brother" variety. So far no one has said to me that everything happens for a reason which is good because I would break their nose. I am angry at you for having siblings. Not that I want anyone else to feel these feelings, I don't wish that or harm on anyone, but fuck you for still having yours when I'm alone in a way I was never supposed to be.
I am angry at the assholes who ran that fucking red light. I am angry at everyone I see driving even a little erratically. I'm angry at all the Gods and gods I don't even believe in. I'm angry at myself for things I said and didn't say, things I did and didn't do. I'm angry at time. I am so, so angry. And I have no idea what to do with it.
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