Snake face, baby bird heart

I haven't posted much since I got to Florida on Monday and here is why: I've been trying to figure out what to say.

I love to be seen as adventurous and brave. I am both, I know I am, but it's the side I like to show off best. I like to post beautiful pictures and crazy stories and leave out the hard stuff unless it's funny or shows how tough I am.

I love being the person who lets a snake crawl up their face.

I adore my crazy adventurous job. I want to post pictures of mice and lizards and songbirds and Spanish moss and leave it at that. Would it be better if I did?

Or should I tell the whole truth? The truth is that in addition to being brave and adventurous sometimes my heart feels like this:

Gaping towhee nestlings we found yesterday.

And by sometimes I mean a lot. It's hard to admit but just as real and I am tired of trying to push it away or harden my poor baby bird heart.

This is the longest I've ever been out of the Midwest. I've had lots of little four month adventures, to Australia, to California, to Texas, to South Carolina, but this is the first time I haven't gone back. It feels right and it feels good and it feels terribly lonely and isolated and scary. I'm not even sure I can be homesick - what home is there? And I'm not building one here, I'll be moving who knows where in four months. I'm trying to become a turtle through sheer force of will.

No, not homesick - heartsick. I miss my people: not just in the Midwest, all over the country, all over the world. Everyone is moving or putting down roots and doing great things either way and I'm so happy for everybody but I worry a lot about the people I love disappearing or not knowing how important they are to me. To anyone who is or has ever been close to me (if you're reading this chances are it includes you) here is what I want to say:

Don't forget me. I hope you carry me around in your shell the way I carry you. I hope the next time we meet it will be like no time has passed, even if it's years (though I hope it's soon). I hope you like the pictures I post of snakes on my face and birds in my hands and I hope you have crazy beautiful adventures and share them too. And most of all I hope you know I love you and I miss you and I wish we talked more and you mean more to me than you think. Try to reach out from time to time? Even a little, even rarely. My baby bird heart will eat it up. I'm not great at it either but I'll try too, I promise.

Love,

Karis